The best time I've ever gone broke

I've never gambled with money that I can't afford to lose. I hope that I never make decisions that lead me to changing this position. I've busted myself to the point of being unable to afford to lose more times than I can remember, and I'm presently in this frustratingly familiar position once again for the last week and change. In terms of poker, I think that I largely gamble pretty good overall, that being said I could easily dial in a few more places where I tend to pick overly volatile spots.

"Until you can manage a bankroll, you'll always be red-lined" Easily the most helpful advice I've embraced, though my biggest obstacle has been bankroll management from outside of poker. I do feel that I've done a lot to improve this in the last year, though I also feel that I have much further to go.

I'm more than a solid winning player, and I don't think I'm at all deluded in my belief that the ceiling for my skill in this game is very, very high. I've been good at lots of things in my life, although I feel like I've only been great at a few things. Even though I've worked hard in a lot of things where I have improved greatly, I haven't worked particularly smart in a lot of the space of that hard work.

One of the strongest attractions I've had to poker, even far before I began this journey was that no matter how much time, work, or what my age is, this is something I can continue to improve myself at. By no means do I consider my level of accomplishment (or lack thereof) very noteworthy, though when I look back at the player I used to be, it's clear that I've come a long way.

"Buy the ticket, take the ride" for life... I do plan to continue to improve my ability to consistently buy better ride tickets though. Additionally, my decision to not buy/sell any action since I determined that I didn't want to deal cards anymore was the right one. This is my journey, and I don't want to be influenced by introducing an external element into the equation of value while I'm playing.

Repetition if not deliberate practice certainly has a conditioning effect, and if for no reason other than I honestly believe myself to be far more balanced in life than even six months ago. That easily has made busting out of the game easier to handle gracefully, though lets be sure to remember it still fucking stings. "Be humble in victory, and be humble in defeat." So far, so good. Lets do a better job preparing myself to not have this struggle so easily again.

Nice Hand :)

Watched a pretty sick read earlier today playing $1-$2 NL. I was in seat 3 UTG and wasn't involved in the hand, a few players limp for $2, and when the player in seat one is facing $1 more to call, with a conservative TAG senior player in the big blind, he speech calls "just one more?", big blind raises to $5 (fucking awesome), everyone re-limps the $5 so seat one facing the same situation as a few seconds earlier speech re-calls.

KK4XJ

I didn't follow the hand especially closely on the flop action, but on the turn there seat one (KT) has checked, seat 7 has yet to act, and seat 9 (ten handed table) has prematurely bet. Seat one knows that it's a premature bet, although when the dealer asks seat 7 "did you check" they answered yes. Seat 1 is a regular, quite skilled player with a lot of hand history with all the players involved with this hand. Since he knows that 7 didn't check, but pretended to before further action on the river, he ends up folding KT for minimal damage after showing his neighbor in seat 2.

Seat 7 Kings full of Jacks
Seat 9 Fours full of Kings

I've been getting my playing hours back up a bit more. I'm on a good pace but I need to stay on course if I'm going to get my monthly hours played up to where I want it. Other than that not a whole lot to write about. Super disciplined next level nit lessons all over... next stop, your table.

A few times in the past two months I've been positively impacted by seeing someone inside/around poker who I hadn't seen in some time, and they were genuinely happy to see that I'm doing well. I've always held the perspective that even though the nature of the game requires a "there can be only one" approach, it's so beneficial to be your most friendly self when in the long run. These side encounters to my poker were really rewarding to know that it's because I'm not unpleasant to be at a table gambling with.

I've not been especially (poker) active in the last year. In reflecting on various parts of my life, specifically many aspects of the poker lifestyle I was living were either unsustainable, or even undesirable to want to continue to have in my life moving forward. Poker is still so important to me that I'd struggle to put a measurable value on it, and having a greater understanding on why has helped light the way ahead for several of my goals.

I haven't been happy that I've allowed myself to not write for so long. Not for this blog, or content for something else. I'm not happy that I haven't used this form of composing your thoughts. So write more, for your brain's sake.

TLDR GoPro

It's been much longer than I'd like since I last made a complete contribution to this blog. Recently I was thinking that I feel as though the improvements in my game have slowed considerably. In reflection there's some correlation between the smaller volume of hours I put into poker in December through March, my blog inactivity, as well as the larger amount of physical training I did in that span.

The volume of hours played, as well as lack of effort towards identifying opportunities for improvement in my game is a luxury I no longer can afford. After a lot of consideration and dialogue with many of my closest friends, I've almost entirely left my career in the (casino) gaming industry behind. The decision to leave dealing was a bittersweet one, but one that I couldn't put off anymore. I don't have another job lined up, though I do intend to pick something part time up inside a few months. So I guess technically I can't really say I'm an "amateur" anymore.

I've got a lot of friends that I've made from one side of the felt or the other. The two who are most familiar with where "my game" stands, are in my opinion the most qualified to judge it as poker has been their means of living for many years. Each of them have been very supportive of my decision to play full time in the absence of dealing. I don't think I'm articulate enough to express how much their belief in me helps reassure my confidence. It's still on me to stay disciplined and prove them right though.

And lastly, lets quote a text I sent a friend of mine a few weeks ago in the aftermath of the WORST winning hand I've played in the last 20 months or so...

"Bet on the come... To check the nuts twice. Lolol professional as of April fool's day indeed"

"...you must demonstrate your skill."

I've not thought to blog in the last two months. From the end of October, then all through November I was grinding hard. Above the pace I had been on throughout the year. Come December I ended up choosing many other options over poker to occupy my time and ended up only clicking about 55 hours played (100 would be my monthly average). Looking to restart now that the holidays are over, back to regularity.

My favorite MMA journalist (Jack Slack) posted an article recently which greatly resonated with me. And while he's writing explicitly in reference to combat sports, the sentiment translates to any challenge of skill:

"A striking advantage or a grappling advantage on paper is just that. A fighter can train with the best in the world and rack up a streak of finishes over tremendous competition, but every single fight is a clean slate and he must demonstrate his skill. The laws of the fight game don't care about a fighter's accomplishments or qualifications, you should know that from how harshly every legend in this game is made to age in the cage."

Far before I ever begun my poker journey I used to preach to my gaming colleagues about execution > previous accomplishments and "the game doesn't care who you are, only if you're outperforming your challenge. Since I've read that I've been using it as a pre-play reminder for myself to be as rational as possible and avoid coming into a good spot feeling like I'm owed something by just showing up.

Regina Harvest Classic Poker-cation!

Before the start of this tournament series trip my primary goals were;

Clock 40 hours played at minimum
Explore their 10-20 FL DC w/ Kill (HE/O/O8) & 2-2000 SL Omaha
Not use my phone while playing
Adhere to this casino's preposterous chip cutting/betting line rule(s).

It's the final event morning of the series, and so far I'm on point for everything. I've already clocked 43 hours, and should be able to easily clear another 10-12+ over the 15 playable hours between noon & whatever madness 03:40 am "last three hands" will trigger.

My super brief 35 minute seating in 10-20 FL DC was super fun. I must likely benefited from some positive variance, but the ocean of dead money that appears to be available in that game is something I wish I had more time to explore. I'm sure that there must be some if not several very skilled local players in that game... But probably not the one I was in briefly, because this monkey ran amok!

My shot(s) in SL Omaha was not nearly as fortunate. As far as absurd gambling poker goes watching a table open with nine people min buying for $50 and punting it all in pre in Omaha it's pretty entertaining, I really can't find myself appreciating what amounts to NL Omaha. I took some bad variance in my efforts to run a stack up, three times (in ten shots) I managed to triple/quadruple up into 160-220 territory, but I never managed to get that next chip up until I eventually called it an experience and returned to familiar formats.

Last minute, I decided that I wanted to avoid using my phone as much as possible. The lack of self generated distraction while playing is obvious. Whether I'm playing with a new crowd, or with a table full of players I feel I've figured out, this benefit is a no-brainer. In reference to saving my cognitive energy for playing sessions longer/better, it's also a lock. I really need to reduce my overall phone use while playing.

I'm not going to claim victory regarding not failing in bet execution (betting line/chip cuts) since I have a lot of playing left to do today... But so far/so good...